Why Is It So Cold?

(2025-06-02)

It seems that despite global warming, people in the good old USA have never been colder. But I'm not actually talking about the physical temperature, but the social temperature! Social autism is on the rise (and I'm no exception, since I'm writing this post). Ya' know?

There was a recent podcast from the New York Times where the speaker presented a theory about how the fertility crisis and coming population decline is because of smartphones. The podcasters talk about how social isolation has never been more entertaining than it is now (due to phones), and that men and women just don't pair up as much like they used to because people aren't spending time socializing as much. And then they speculate about ways to socially engineer people to spend time together or to have more kids. Really!?!

It's just funny that it's the first thing they think about. I'm not sure that any solution to a problem brought about by manipulation and engineering can be solved by further meddling through leveraging power in a top-down manner. Rather, it is primarily the responsibility of each person, and their associates/network! It has to be bottom up, otherwise it is just more coercion and manipulation (the typical arsenal of those who make policies). Someone who wants to can transform one's own life and the lives of one's friends, family, neighbors, and strangers just by, get this, hanging out more! This is the bottom-up approach. It starts in people's own hearts and radiates outwards, because people are capable, and a itching for an excuse, right?

But, it is hard. Expending energy on things that matter is always more difficult than a degree of indifference. Many people in the USA are cold out of habit, often due in part to coercive experiences in government schooling.

Fewer people are interacting as much socially. However, the bar has never been lower because of this! Here are some ideas to be more like the chad connector instead of the virgin cut-off:

• Practice hospitality of any kind by really trying to be a generous host creating a great experience that allows people to relax and get to know each other...
  • Host a dinner party (little or big)
  • Invite a friend or two over to hang out
  • Throw a birthday party
  • If a neighbor knocks at your door, invite them in for refreshments
• Plan to do something fun with friends or by yourself. Once you have plans of any sort, invite people to join and go even if nobody else shows up. Bonus is if your plan is to go somewhere in public and you use that exposure as an opportunity to connect...
• Talk to strangers, small talk is ok, and then you try and escalate to more meaningful or interesting topics
• Know the concept of escalation: somehow proposing or moving on to a more meaningful, exciting, one-on-one, fun, or intimate activity to someone. People tend to do this naturally and unconsciously with people they are comfortable with or like, but you can also be more intentional.
  • In terms of activities, for example, you can escalate from talking to going somewhere.
  • In terms of relationships, for example, you can escalate from acquaintance to friend (implicitly).

The bottom line is that the time spent being entertained by phones has a massive unrealized opportunity cost of not having in-person interactions and making friends simply because it takes away the time one has available to socialize. In the end, it's about how we spend our time.